


The unsent letter

by maggieblues



Series: wlw oneshots, fluff, hurt\comfort ~ [1]
Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: AU, Canon Divergence, F/F, Fluff, Gay Panic, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Yuri's POV, Yuri's letter to Natsuki, body hating (Yuri), defeating the evil i mean natsuki's father, good ending, there is no game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:48:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27565519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maggieblues/pseuds/maggieblues
Summary: I look forward to our future. I want to spend every single second with you. I have so many dreams, reading mangas, cooking together, eating our cupcakes. You made a horror girl get soft! Can I congratulate you with a kiss? Hehehehe.This is like my tenth letter to you, my sweet Natsuki. And I think we both know I will never send it to you. I tried so many times with the previous ones, so now I gave up, but I have written it just out of habit.Kisses and hugsYours, Yuri
Relationships: Natsuki/Yuri (Doki Doki Literature Club!)
Series: wlw oneshots, fluff, hurt\comfort ~ [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2014897
Kudos: 40
Collections: Femslash Friday





	The unsent letter

My beloved Natsuki,

For you to understand me, I need to start my story from the start, from the deepest lows of my life. It might not be pleasant. It is my runabout way of sorting my feelings out.

When I watched movies I always imagined myself as that smart ugly girl and yet I have grown so beautiful. It felt like a betrayal to my identity. My body was not supposed to overshadow my personality and intelligence. When people look at me all they see is my body. This facade is killing my sense of self. No, they are killing it.

Maybe it is because I am a woman. As a woman, you are never your mind and always your body. Our body is everywhere on every poster in every movie. But our mind is portrayed as almost non-existent. We are not women. We are women's bodies. Men's mere toy.

I hated my huge breasts the most. They made me more womanly so they made me less human. They made me transform from a person to an object in the eyes of so many. I couldn't hide them with clothing no matter how hard I tried. 

So I hid in my mind, feeling like an alien in my own body. I wish I wasn't born as a girl. No, I wish I was born in a different world. 

Therefore I decided to punish every part of my body that I had no control over. Cutting myself was bad, but why it felt good. It was not black-and-white like in my books, where the line between good and evil is so clear. Needless to say, it was a very dark time for me and I would rather not go into details.

When I first saw you, I envied you. How could I not know where you had everything that I could ask for? A small boyish body that didn't get anyone's attention. Just a body. Not a sexual object. So petite you could be lost in the crowds easily. There is nothing that I wanted more than to have your body. A body so transparent so my mind could be seen through. If I had a body like that I wouldn’t need to hide it or be embarrassed about it. 

You looked not as mature, so you could get away with cute stuff, I foolishly thought. But you told me that you felt trapped in the child’s body, not able to do anything mature, so people don't laugh at you. So HE doesn’t laugh at you, but you didn’t say it back then. 

You were helpless, not able to protect yourself with that short height and gaunt frame. Everyone must have looked from your perspective as a dangerous giant. Everybody could easily overpower you. And I failed to notice until it was almost too late. I am glad I was able to help you, Natsuki. For you, I could get way more bruises than just a mere three.

I isolated myself from the world. The only activity I truly enjoyed was our literature club, my escape from the real world. And then you joined. A beautiful mess. I liked you and hated you at the same time. You were my rival and at the same time my fascination, inspiration for each of my poems. 

Hmm, I have to ask you, if you knew about my feelings! Although I filled them with such complicated metaphors for you to understand completely nothing, haha. You stared at my poems as if you knew something, brightening up in all the right moments. Gasp! Maybe… you even understood my feelings faster than I did! 

I began to notice how I didn't just look at you to bury myself in self-hatred. Not of habit either. It was… pleasurable for me. I began to notice all the little things about you. I realized it wasn’t jealousy that attracted me so much. It was something so much more magical and hard to grasp. 

When I realized it was a crush, my self-hatred came back for one moment. I was depicted as a weirdo by most people around me and now I was a lesbian? Or maybe bisexual? Like people needed a reason to hate me more.

I didn’t think it was unpure, the fluttering of my heart was holy because you were the reason behind it. It would be okay to love you if you only loved me too. You never gave me a reason to think that you reciprocate my feelings. You could sound scathing when you wanted, although on the inside I suspected you were fiercely loyal and caring. Maybe… you were in denial, too?

I carefully built my defenses, unsuccessfully trying to scare you away. My feelings were scary and overwhelming, I couldn’t control myself around you. I pushed you away, pouting and saying some nonsense about manga. I am truly sorry for disrespecting your interest, Natsuki. I really didn’t mean to.

That night when I came to you to give you notes from your colleagues in your class, it was hard. I had so much trouble getting your address, but it was nothing compared to what I saw. I bashfully ringed a bell a few times, but nobody came to me. And lights were turned on, so somebody must have been home. I reluctantly came in to witness the scene. Your father back then and what he was doing with that belt is the most terrifying memory of my life. I could never erase it. But I don’t want to get rid of it, I want to share just a tiny bit of your burden with you.

Don’t be sorry, Natsuki about the bruises on my forehead, they are my badge of honor. I protected you this time and if you let me I will continue to do it. You own me nothing, don’t say that. Everyone in my place would do the same for such a lovely girl like you. I would repeat that day a thousand times if that would take away just a bit of your pain.

Everything that happened that night stays between us. I will not tell a soul. Apart from the court, of course. They kind of need to know to set him in jail, haha. Oh, sorry. It wasn’t funny. 

I will never forget the sight of you holding my hand in the hospital. You looked like an angel who has come just to see me. You were crying happy tears, inviting me into your warm embrace. I must have been as red as a lobster!

My heart pounded so fast. An awkward silence fell between us. I said without thinking, that you don’t have to be afraid, that I don’t believe these awful names your father had shouted. When you said that one was accurate, you blushed and I suddenly wanted to kiss your rose-tinted cheeks. “Lesbian”, you whispered, leaning to me, your body next to mine. Then we met halfway for a kiss and…! Ah, I can’t write it! It was amazing but soooo anxious! Hey, we can try again, my lady! 

I am so happy for you, Nats, now that you are Sayori’s sister! Blood doesn’t mean a thing, we both know it and you were always literally attached at the hip. But… I have to admit I am a little jealous of her but shush! You don’t have to know everything! Just a little bit of secrecy may add to my charm, haha. Omg, you made me such a flirt.

I look forward to our future. I want to spend every single second with you. I have so many dreams, reading mangas, cooking together, eating our cupcakes. You made a horror girl get soft! Can I congratulate you with a kiss? Hehehehe.

This is like my tenth letter to you, my sweet Natsuki. And I think we both know I will never send it to you. I tried so many times with the previous ones, so now I gave up, but I have written it just out of habit. 

Kisses and hugs  
Yours, Yuri

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!  
> kudos and comments are highly appreciated ;3 don't be shy!


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